-home again

Those of you who know me well know that every day I fly is a tension filled day. Today was no exception and then throw in frayed emotions and you have a recipe for a long day. This morning I woke up early and went to see my uncle Ed, dad's brother, who I had not seen since the funeral. We sat and talked for a bit with the 9/11 events playing on the tv in the background. We both remarked that if our nerves weren't shot already, watching too much of the 9/11 coverage would definitely have us curled up in a ball. We talked for a bit and went and had coffee. My nerves were already shot after not sleeping much and as I drove back down to mom's I started really breaking down. When I arrived I was insistent that we head back to my dads house and see my step mother. Now the girls had just got up and there was a lot of packing to do, but I was in an emotional rant. We had spent a great deal of time with my step mother the last few days, and Saturday afternoon we had said an emotional goodbye and that we would talk soon. Tracey was trying to calm me down and was asking whether going back over for a 20 minute visit was the right thing to do. Putting Bonna through another emotional farewell probably wasnt smart but I was insistent that I was going. I got in the car, drove about a block and the words that my cousin Amber told Tracey at the funeral came to mind. She told her "watch him, he's going to be more irrational, more emotional, and more irritable than ever". I had joked and asked who's side she was on when she made the comment, but as I drove, I thought of what she said, I calmed down and thought maybe it wasn't such a good idea. It wasn't going to help Bonna deal with dad's loss. I had a breakdown whenever I arrived and left dad's house, but I had tried to keep my emotions in check while inside the house. Today was not a day I was going to be able to control this well and Tracey was right. The good thing is that my siblings, Kelly, Cody, and Jenna and their families live close and will be there for Bonna, and she's incredibly strong. That will not necessarily make it easier, but she'll stay busy, and soon she'll develop a routine that will allow her to move forward. Dad would be very proud of how she has handled the past weeks events. Hopefully, once things calm down a bit she'll be able to come out for a visit. We'll be back in Illinois this thanksgiving again. we love them all and cannot wait to see them. some thoughts on the 9/11 coverage. I remember working out of the house that day watching Tori who was just over a year old. We had been watching dora or some other show and I popped open my laptop a little after 9 and saw a headline about the trade centers and pentagon being attacked. I immediately changed the channel to NBC and saw the burning buildings. And within 3 seconds, the first tower fell. I was stunned, and I looked at my 16 month old daughter and thought, she'll never fully understand how her life wil be effected by these events. Later that night after watching hours worth of coverage I walked up to the pier to go fishing. All the planes were grounded, but I could hear military fighter jets circling over the Chesapeake. It was eerie because they didn't have the lights on that commercial airliners do, so you could only hear them. Lastly. The flights back home weren't bad. STL is a terrible airport and it took an hour to get through security. Then this genius from United had split all four of us up. Now Tori could do fine by herself, but Lexi was not going to fly without Tracey or I next to her. They were all booked together and the girls have childrens tickets. The moron said there was nothing he could do, even though he had 4 other seats sitting on the counter that were next to ours. We' have to "find someone to trade with on the plane". I thanked him for all of the help and effort he put forth and may have also mentioned that he was a jackass. A nice flight attendant took care of us and got it straightened out on the plane. We're glad to be back home, albeit a wet home. Still smells damp and lots to do, but our great friends did a ton of work to get the majority of the water out and the insurance folks are coming this week.