Goodbye Dad.

It's been a long, emotional day where we said goodbye to my dad. I could not have done it without the support of Tracey, the girls, and all of my friends and family who were here or who sent such wonderful messages the last few days. Those of you you who knew my father know how great of a person he was. A much better person that I. Those of you who did not know him only need to know that there were hundreds of people who came to pay their respects, to tell us stories of how much they admired him, loved working with him, and how highly regarded he was by everyone who knew him. The common message we heard from these people was that he was the finest man they ever knew. When that message is consistent across so many people, you should really start to consider that it may just be true.

I've always been fortunate to have wonderful parents and step-parents, and to have some wonderful memories of my dad that I will cherish forever. My emotions change from minute to minute. Most of the time I am ok, and when I break down it's typically because I recognize how lucky I am. I'm still pretty angry that he was taken 20+ years too early, and I'll never understand why. While my girls will always remember him, and there are some really great memories, there will be many fewer than I feel were warranted.

The sense of loss is profound, but I know that over time it will fade. A wise friend of mine told me that if you're fortunate, when you lose a loved one you feel only loss and not regret. The feeling of loss will fade, but regret is something you carry with you forever. I don't know if it's all true, but there is no regret in my feelings and memories of dad. He knew how I felt about him, and I knew how he felt about me.

I'm always amazed by my cousin who in her late 20's lost her husband and father within 3 years time. Every time I see her I am amazed at the strength of her faith, and how it has carried her through such adversity. This is a person who had every reason to burn with anger at the world and at god, and yet every time I see her she beams. Absolutely amazing. While I admire her faith, I have to admit mine does not reach that depth. I have too many unanswered questions and honestly this week has generated more questions than answers.

Lastly, on top of the funeral, we received word from our neighbors who were watching the dog that our sump pump at the house stopped working and we had an inch or so of water in our basement. Now we received something like 14 inches of rain back home in new oxford. We have the greatest bunch of friends and neighbors anywhere. They enlisted their friends, mothers, sisters, etc to come over to our house and attempt to dry out the finished basement while we're in Illinois for Dad's funeral. They are truly amazing people and we are incredibly fortunate to have Ron, Christie, Wes, Angie and so many others as great friends and neighbors. The message they keep sending is "we'll take care of this, you have enough on your plate already." You guys cannot imagine how much you have touched Tracey and I. We love you all.

Lastly, a message to dad. I love you, miss you, and will continue to do my best to always make you proud.